TO THE PEOPLE I HAVE LET DOWN

I let a friend down today, for the second time. Honestly, she is not the first and may not be the last, and yes it hurts and no it is not ok, not with me and most definitely not for her.

There are no excuses with something like this, you don't let friends down. period.

BUT...LIFE IS challenging.

What I am about to share with you effects thousands of woman (and men) on a daily basis. The silent yet indeed deadly diseases, conditions, illnesses, however you want to dress them up that stop every day people leading every day lives.

Yes I am sure there is a part of me that would like to appease my error, the lack of integrity in my promises. Ego is for sure beating me up right now.

Telling me what a crap friend I am, how can I, for the second time, let this woman down - who trusted me deeply and has for a long time. That you should have known, Sam, that you would fail in this task like you have a thousand times before, when you decided not to show up, because you were 'ill'.

 

Every one else can cope with life Sam, WHY CAN'T YOU?

I know I am not alone.

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350 million people Worldwide are affected by Mental Illness, 1 in 4 women in the UK. (ibtimes.co.uk 2015)

80, 000 are children and young adults in the UK (youngminds.org.uk 2013)

250,000 people in the UK alone suffer with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome , which is still not recognised or diagnosed by many doctors. (me association 2011)

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Part of me knows I am one of the most honest, trustworthy, reliable and giving people you will ever meet and on these days, the days when I can't function it drills right down to my soul that my core values are being compromised by my inability to maintain how I feel in my body and mind.

And I fight with myself, again and again.

 

But, we are not alone.

The battle I face, I would say on a minor scale, goes on within all of us on a daily basis. Some to the extreme and some with no respite. But no one is exempt, and many suffer in silence. To afraid to acknowledge their plight, their daily struggle with the real world.

At this moment I contemplate with myself if I should make this post live, it may well put me in a bad light, lose me custom, friends - I don't know what will happen.

What I do know is hiding in the shadows, creeping about alone does not help you. It helps the demons inside your brain tell you are not worthy of a life, to not ever enjoy making plans and to never know if they will come to fruition.

And if my journey, my pain can lead you to a better place, why would I not share it?

It is very clear here what are the negatives of having a invisible illness.

There is the stigma. The uselessness. The silence. The loneliness. The pain. The sadness. The letting people down. The cancelling. The lack of social life.

 

BUT.

 

There are many positive learnings that come from this daunting and disabling invisible illnesses too.

 

It gives you an awareness, a deep and intimate knowing of yourself, the journey to the depths of despair - you know what it is like to hit rock bottom and you've been there more than once.

And what is good about that?

You learn to know your limits, to understand that behind someone there are secrets and challenges you could never imagine - because you know that the outside world hasn't noticed yours yet.

Not feeling the positives yet??

You get to know your real friends. You learn to adapt (eventually). You can (given time) create a routine that serves you. You can be selfish, because it is essential to your survival. You have a deep understanding of showing compassion, mainly to others but you are learning to show yourself it too. You are incredibly brave, courageous and strong.

There is no denying your ability to rough it, drag yourself through the day and come out the other side with a smile on your face, even when inside you are crumbling. You have a different kind of honesty with yourself, the first time you said no I can't do this today demonstrated that.

YOU are not alone.

 

There are no excuses. Life is real. But you have to live it.

Sam x

 

 

 

 

 

Is this you, how do you get through every day? Let's keep the conversation going, let me know in the comments below.

 

If you suffer with or believe you may have Mental Health issues and require further information and support please check out the link below:

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week

If you suffer with chronic fatigue or you believe you may have it please follow this link for more information:

http://www.meassociation.org.uk/